Monday, September 28, 2009
I have been thinking about knowing. We only know what we know and stick by it because, well it is what we know. We, here drive on the right side of the road, our vehicle's have the steering on the left. Is it better? Is it correct? It is what we know. Recently the entire territory of Samoa switched to driving on the right side of their roads to the left. In mid-morning, traffic stopped, every car, truck and van changed sides as a group and life continued. Now, they know something new. Different. How to possibly know what we don't know? We never ask the questions because we never understood how much we never understood. We stay mute. Dumb. Driving on the same side of the road because it is all we have ever known. Is it the brave, the bumblers that happen down the other side? Crash in their example but blare that once, the once in this one and only lifetime that they took. I have been thinking about steering. I've been thinking I need some directions......
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I am incomplete. The reason I ever wanted to come back home, open the door...has gone from this planet. My Bun, The Bun is dead. He died not in my arms, but alone, in a veterinarians cage. Poked by needles that did him no good. Bruises. Holes. Scars that will never heal. So limp he was a half life, while I held him and kissed his dry lips and whispered in his flopped ear "I love you the most, I love you the most, I love you the most" for the last time. My body doesn't know how to feel, I've left something behind. The gas is on, the water is running....no, no, no. My reason, my tangible soul is nowhere. I may never dream again.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I have Morrisey's "The More You Ignore Me" playing over and over in my head. So what am I ignoring? I know for sure it was my laundry. Getting to it. I need to clean out my top desk drawer. Mop the floor. Transfer hard drive, balance checkbook, get in balance, find a doctor, find someone that cares, care a little less. Will it scream out my name, in the dark, in the night, and when I sit up in bed all alone like so many other nights, will it be there? Close, closer. I should drive. I should drive until I don't know where I am and the opportunity for distraction is stolen by fear. Then I couldn't ignore anything. Not even myself.