Saturday, October 31, 2009
Driving into the sunset, the angle just so the world drops. I could change my name to Thelma if there was some one to hold my hand. Wings on the water, devils and angels on the radio. Me, drained and ready to take the back road. While enjoying the ride, I forgot to drive. I don't like this road, it's too fast. Everyone else is on it. I can't see the sun set anymore. Hurry, hurry. I get off of that road. I mosey. I dawdle. I take notice. On one corner I see a Father and his daughter wait for the light to change, she laughs as he playfully yanks her arm, her backpack pushing her hair forward. Next corner I see a young man in a wheelchair ready himself for the bus, his expression is not one of joy. I imagine for the next few blocks how his days will be in the winter months coming soon. I see teenagers cuddling on benches, elder dog walkers and many kids walking home from school. So much more happened. So much more. I get to keep those sights, sounds and smells. They are mine now. I took a drive.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I don't care what sins I have committed, how negative I have become. I just want him back. I want him. I am so cold. I don't know what to do with my hands. They have no place, no pleasing. I have never been good at pleasing people but I could always please him. I am not pleased. I am not warm. I don't see colors like I think I should, the way I remember. I remember sweet breath and brown sugar. Now, it is open air, no where to be and no hurry, no hurry. I feel such shame for having ever wished away a moment of a day, a week, of my life. That wishing was wasted time that could have been better spent with him. He never knew. I know. I could have loved better with him. He loved best with me. I live best when I love. I still want to love him. I still want.