Thursday, March 24, 2011

Blushing DVR

Soooooo, I am up all night with a sick rabbit. He is having his first major spring shed and last night he could not find one comfortable position to lay or sit. I rubbed his belly gave him a couple syringes of water, but mostly I watch. The only positive thing I can say that comes out of his tummy troubles is that I get to snuggle him. He knows I am helping even if he doesn't really like it. At 5:50 he just popped up his head, sat up straight and ran over to my ankles and licked me. He has felt like himself ever since. I fell asleep on the couch around 7:30 in the a.m. only to have the quarterly pest control come knocking at 9:30. I jumped off of the couch, crazy haired, T.V. still on, bad all night breath, opened the door and let them in. I only allow them to spray behind my fridge because Peanut (and formerly The Bun) runs around so much that I don't want any spray near the bunny, regardless if they say it is non-toxic. The Pest guy immediately sprays my baseboard on the kitchen cabinet even though he says outloud "oh yeah, Bunnygirl!" I holler a commanding NO, and then he remembers that the bunnygirl is the bossygirl and he goes to spray behind the fridge. The building manager comes over to see Peanut, asks about him being sick all night. They both ask about the puppy stage of bunnies and if he will mellow out, to be more like The Bun. My building manager loved The Bun.

Then as they leave, I close the door and turn around and look into the living room. On my television screen, and which must have been playing the whole time I had visitors, was a sex scene in a movie. I wasn't watching that movie, it was just the programming for that channel after what my DVR had recorder earlier. Mortified, I open the door again and yell out how sorry I am, that I didn't know that was on my T.V. I wonder how many times Peanut has listened to sex scenes in the background and wondered what was going on? No wonder the poor pest guy couldn't remember how to spray in my kitchen, there were too many boobs in the living room.

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Monday, March 7, 2011

Not the Party Line


Imagine sitting in a waiting room with only one other person. Imagine that one other person being a teenager kicking her feet, pounding on her phone, clicking the phone cover on and off, sighing, and then sighing louder, grunting, snorting, answering the phone and asking the person that called her "WHAT? What do you want? I DON'T KNOW? She's in a meeting or something" then she plays more on the phone, gets up to lean on the arm of the door to look out, sits back down on the chair on top of her feet with the souls of her shoes on the cushion of the chair, click, click, click, music from the phone and then when I get up to hand my papers to the front desk, she moves over to the seat where I was sitting the entire time this was happening and purposefully sits down in it. When I turn around I ask her "So, are you really going to sit there?" She answered with a grunt and eyes that were double their normal size.

Yes, she sat there. Yes, I fear for the breeding, voting, driving future. Yes, I look around my low rent abode and feel shivers of gratitude. Yes, I wanted to slap the shit out of her.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Thought Bubbles

So, I go to PetCo to pick up new litter for Peanut cuz he STINKS, and whilst in the litter aisle I ask a helper man about which is best for odor control (fully aware that I have terrible breath from the onion rings that I shared with my mother at lunch) when what pops up a SPIT BUBBLE on my lip! I excuse myself get it under control, when ANOTHER SPIT BUBBLE pops up! This poor man must have thought "jeez lady, your rabbit stinks like piss, you smell like rotten onions and you can't contain your own fluids....be gone. I have more important things to do, such as catch the loose bugs that escaped from the food bay in the reptile section and are now scurrying under the dog beds."


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The Bun

The Bun
If you don't like rabbits, you can suck it, shove it and then go soak your head.