And yet

One year ago today I had my last chemo treatment. I hugged all of my nurses, gave them private cards and cried knowing tears with each one. Two days ago I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon, the first time I have ever been to Huntsman on a visit by myself. It was strange going in without my Mom. Jen went to one Radiation/Gyn appointment with me too. Todd came for a radiation day and Chris came to visit while I had my transfusion. My Dad came on one chemo day but he had no idea what he was getting into, the poor man. But Wednesday, I went to see Dr. Soisson on my lonesome, and it was something else. I had just had a pelvic and pap done in November so having that again would just be too many cooks in the kitchen, too may fingers in the pie and there for sure aint nobody pulling out no plum. (Wait, didn't we do that already?) Setting aside me getting in the stirrups, we start talking general health, side effects of radiation and where I am going with my Gastroenterologist up here in Ogden. Soisson is pleased with my Doc's choices and truly believes my cure rate is high. Then, the conversation flips to a place that could only happen with ME in the room.

Soisson: "What are you up to lately? Working?"
Me: "No, just hanging out with my bunnies."
S: "You have bunnies? Maybe you can help me catch the one in my yard that is pooping everywhere? My dog keeps eating it and then it pukes."
Me: "I'M NOT HELPING YOU TRAP A BUNNY!" I slap him on the arm and his nurse's face is red from laughing.
S: "I won't hurt it, I swear. I just want to relocate it, to Never Come Back Land."
Me: "Yeah... relocate it into a million tiny pieces! What have you been using? Carrots?"
S: "Well, yeah. It worked for Bugs Bunny."
Me: "Oh my word, this isn't Elmer Fuddville. Is that what you're doing, using all you learned from cartoons?" By this time the whole office is laughing, the nurse has one hand on her stomach and the other on the counter to keep herself from falling over.
S: "So really, what can I do? I'll just trap it and release it. Promise, promise." This guy is so nice and kind, he isn't lying.
Me: "You have to get good lettuce, like my bunnies like, romaine, green leaf, none of that iceberg crap. Or apples."
S: "So, not carrots."
Me: "NO!"
S: "Really? Apples?" He is partly just being a turd and surprised.
Me: "Yeah. They like really expensive ones too. Honey Crisp." Howls. Howls from all three of them. The nurse, Soisson and the Resident.

We ended with a scheduled pelvic and pap for July and we joked that he would try to get the Fireman from the calendars in the office for my appointment. Then I went over to the infusion room, where I used to have my chemo treatments and thankfully it wasn't very busy. I looked around for one of my nurses and was greeted very warmly by a new nurse that knew exactly what I was doing. She touched my arm, and looked me straight in the eyes, letting me know how welcome I was. That was when I saw her. My main companion on chemo day. Deann, the one they called specially for me cuz I was the shitty stick. We locked eyes, she recognized my face but I have lost so much weight it took her just a second. She kept on commenting on how good I look and how bad I looked during chemo. (I must have looked REALLY bad cuz a lot of people keep saying that.) I think we hugged at least five times. She cried. I cried. One year. One life, and yet...