I Have A Story For You

I was having a pretty good day. A great day in fact. I was driving around with the windows down, blasting my music and doing that driver's seat boogie. I feel young and beautiful on days like this because days like this are beautiful.

One of my stops was at T.J.Maxx and while I was there I noticed this cute little old lady in a red sweater set walking the entire store, picking up items and mumbling to herself. She was on a mission. A mission to shop.

Later I end up at Big Lots and whom do I see? Sweater Set Granny! I tell her we are on the same shopping circuit and then that is where the fun begins. I get stories in her fantastic German accent about pickles (Big Lots is the only place that carries the brand she likes without going back to Germany) delicatessens, liver sausages, her husband's sugar levels and ways to eat Wasa crackers.

I should mention that for about the last twenty minutes a kid has been screaming. Not a baby, not a toddler. A ten to twelve year old. I never saw said kid, just heard him from the other end of the store. Another shopper even mentioned it in passing "Boy, some kid doesn't want to be here."

Then I get in line. The only line because at Big Lots they only ever seem to have one check out lane open. Then, a family of four comes behind me; Mom, Dad, five year old and the ten/twelve year old wearing headphones pushing the cart. Mom asks headphone boy to bring the cart back, he doesn't want to so he whines loudly, whips the cart around and BAMMM hits me so hard in my left Achilles heel I scream "SHIT!!" so loud I know the whole store heard.

I'm hopping on my right leg and headphone kid has taken the cart away and the parents can't get him to come back. They keep asking him to take his headphones off so they can talk to him and he's screaming "NO! I DON'T WANT TO!" The entire store is dazed.

Mom - You need to take off your headphones. Then say your sorry to this lady.
Kid - NOOOO!! (He's red faced) YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL BAD. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I'M NOT SAYING SORRY!
Mom - Give me your headphones.
Kid - NOOOO!! I WON'T!! I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!!
Me - (I turn around and stare him straight in the eyes) I hear you too. You hit me really hard. It hurts. A lot. I'm going to be limping the rest of the night.
Kid - Absolutely dumbstruck.


There was much back and forth with the Mom, headphone kid and Dad. At one point he screamed I'M SORRY from behind me. His Mom said that wasn't how you say sorry. As I was putting my items up at the register he came up to me, so red faced I thought he might pass out and said I'M SORRY as if it was the most painful thing he had ever done. He was humiliated. I think we all were. I didn't say thank you. I looked him in the eyes and nodded.

The checkers made a point to get a dig in at the kid and the Mom while they checked my items. I felt so bad for the Mother I told her "It's not like you've got your hands full or anything" when I made room for her to put her items on the counter as well.

On the way out of the store she apologized and told me they just don't know what to do with him. She said he's at an "awkward stage." I wished her a good evening and limped to my car.

So, tonight I have a black and blue ankle and a leg that's turned to crap (when you ring that bell you can't unring it) pain pills, lots of On Demand movies too watch and Wasa crackers waiting to be eaten.