When You Care Enough To Not

 I have never watched one of those Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. Because I refuse. I do study and judge them by their trailers and posters though. And I mean judge. It seems to me that a huge percentage are a weak sauce attempt to remake "Baby Boom" but instead of a baby it's a dog/and or a whole kaboodle. 

Then there's the magical side to them: getting sent back in time or Fairy Godmothers and Santa and Aliens. It should be Aliens. I don't even know. I think Aliens could help.

And another thing, why always the long lost love? The "Christmas is now complete" trope.  Why does this Holiday need to be pressure cooked by unrealistic romantic idealizations? Ugh. Just ugh infinity. 

Give me a sad little tree that flourishes under the love from children any day over this sour sad tripe. 

True, Die Hard has a love story at it's core. It also blows up a building and drops the bad guy from it. I call that even. 

I'm off to watch all the Rankin & Bass Christmas Specials where NO ONE moves to Connecticut to be a Nanny for the talking dog of Santa's Fairy Godmother that leads the white girl main character through a magic portal to where she ends up helping a baker that's about to lose their shop that's going to be foreclosed on Christmas Eve if they don't sell one hundred thousand million cookies to an abandoned town of people that hate Christmas because of that mysterious thing that happened that no one talks about at the cookie factory but the talking dog sniffs out the ONE person that can save them all that's now homeless and they're the lost love of the baker and COOKIES FIX EVERYTHING and now they live over the shop and the town is now called Cookie Town and the talking dog and the white girl go back to the Fairy Godmother and ask for a wish and the girl wishes that she was never in this movie. 

The End.

Dream Tok

Okay, new dream sharing post. I was on a road trip. Driving up from Southern Utah, just enjoying the views. The music playing in the vehicle was a bunch of female artists : Brandi Carlisle, Sarah McLachlan and Tori Amos. Very  Lilith Fair. Then, when Sarah's "Angel" starts playing it does that Tik Tok Llama 🦙 interrupting thing and I woke up laughing. If you don't know, here's a sample of the chorus.

In the arms of the LLAMA
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold LLAMA
And the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the LLAMA
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the LLAMA
May you find some comfort here.

You're welcome.

This Seat's Taken

 Okay, this whole Travis Scott tragedy. I am more of the "Is there assigned seating?" age now. Whom am I kidding, I have always been that age. ANYWAY, I was at a Toad the Wet Sprocket concert decades ago. It was during their farewell tour (before they reformed again.) Point is, Toad is not the place where you'd expect a mosh pit. AND YET. Yup, there I was, down front and when Toad started the entire crowd pushed forward, crushing and mashing together. The girl next to me grabbed my hair at one point, yanking me down into the chaos. I had to elbow at least two people in the stomachs to get out of that mess. When I finally made it to the grass (with my ex) and we were watching the melee from a safe distance, Glen had stopped the entire concert and refused to return to the stage until people chilled the "f&*k" out. I think it took at least five to ten minutes to get the dumbass crowd under control. I mean, it is dangerous enough for me to just stand up let alone be in a crowd of moronic drunks crashing into a stage. Never again.

I cannot imagine the fear and panic that was happening inside that crowd in Huston. It saddens me. There is nothing that compares to that exhilaration and sheer joy a concert experience brings. I have learned to experience it differently. Safely. Probably too safely for some. I of course am older and not daring. Ready to sacrifice that euphoria for safe keeping.

Just give me a seat and I will be blissed out without having to elbow anyone. Promise. 

Miracle Day

 Ten years ago today I was being wheeled into the Huntsman's operating room and having the cancerous parts of  myself removed, from myself. I had set parameters beforehand with my surgeon on what music could not be played overhead during the procedure. The big NO NOs were Reo Speedwagon and Air Supply. Just in case I died on the operating table, I didn't want the last thing resonating through my being to be "All Out of Love" or even worse "Can't Fight This Feeling." I know, I know that someone will wield WHAM! against me. Go ahead. I can take it. I don't mind. No matter how embarrassing "Bad Boys" might seem I will sing that on a loop for eternity if it means to never hear another song from The Bands Who Should Not be Named again. Now, where was I before I got lost in my tirade against shit 80s limp rock? Oh yeah, being amazed and grateful that I am still on this floating blue marble ten years later. 

Ten years. It seems so long and yet, that is just how long ago it was when the last Harry Potter film was released. Yup. Not a lie. I totally remember thinking how lucky I was to live long enough to see all the films. Stephie didn't. Steph didn't live to see a lot. Many haven't. I think that every time I see the leaves change. I get nearly panicked each autumn to pay the change of season its due homage. I owe this life my attention. That I can pay.

My surgery also took place on the Day of the Dead. The day when two universes exist together. Being the nerdy geek that I am, I decided to put my own internal spin on it. I had been watching the last season of Torchwood where no one on Earth was able to die. Skipping all the horrible plot holes (and literal holes) in the show, I held on to that theme as mine. My own Miracle Day. My Day of the Dead where no one was allowed to die. 

Ten years later I am just as dorky. Still hold the leaves changing just as sacred and I will joyously hold in contempt Ear Worm Supply and URA Jackwagon. 😉😜

Getting used to the miraculous. I could get used to that.

Camel Toe City Sweetheart

 My Mom and I were doing self checkout at the Farmington Station Harmons when all of a sudden most of the high school kids came there for lunch. It was incredible.

Watching teenagers is a trip. The girl's styles, with their high waisted pants that are soooooo tight and up their hoo-has, blasting camel toes on full display is confounding. How is that comfortable? Hey, I'd like the pants that saw me in two, give me a rash, AND a yeast infection please! Hard pass.

Peering over all this from a GenX perspective I started to name groups, like a mashup of David Attenborough and a John Hughes movie: that one's a Molly Ringwald, those are the skaters, the sports, the nerds, and the full on goobers. 

During high school I remember being OBSESSED with not having camel toe. I mean, it was a prerogative in clothing decisions. (Yes, I'm back on that.) I am allllll for fashion recycling. We did it. I used to wear my Mom's 60s sweaters and skirts to school. But why couldn't they just bring back jelly shoes and parachute pants instead of this reiteration of the Mom Jean? SMDH. 

My Mom and I sat in the car resting and finishing our coffees for a while and watched the kids stream out. My Mom finally goes "ooop, caught some camel toe."

It was awesome.

Fart Jokes

I dreamt last night that I found out Dave Chappelle was having a meeting with industry bigwigs to decide comedy was going to be his way and only his way now. So I hired the whole gang from Leverage to stop it. (If you don't know anything about Leverage see my footnote.) Okay then, when we met up to plan strategy, they asked for my fighting skill and I told them one of them was going to have to hold Dave down so I could fart in his face. 

Soooooo, with my Ninja Farts on board we infiltrated the Super Secret Squirrel meeting and busted it up. I don't remember HOW it went down, only that it did. 

That's right. I saved the day. With a fart joke.

**Leverage is a TV show whose main theme is sticking it to the bad guy. They are comprised of a Hitter, a Grifter, a Thief, a Hacker, and traditionally a Mastermind. They find "leverage" on said bad guy and use it to their advantage to help the person that was wronged. Footnote to this footnote - as I explained this dream to my friends on their way to Drag Brunch and their having no idea about Leverage, when I detailed the lineup my friend added "oh and a construction worker, a cowboy, a Native American, a cop.."**