Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I Will Always Have Gum

Best Halloween Kid Interactions

5. I tell one boy to take a couple. He puts his fingers up to his chin, wiggles them like he's Dr. Evil and says "My idea of a couple is three." He then proceeds to take three.

4. After two kids finish taking their candy, one girl and one boy, I do something foolish like say goodbye. The girl was wearing a really cute Butterfly costume with great purple wings, she carried a wand and was super decked out. I say goodbye and in doing so I say "BYE FAIRY PRINCESS BUTTERFLY!" I can't be sure what she said, but she for SURE is no Fairy Princess Butterfly.

3. Doorbell rings, 3 maybe 4 times and when my Mom opens it a purple haired girl comes INTO the house, grabs the candy out of the bowl and immediately shoves it into her mouth still in the wrapper. Her Mom tries to get her to say thanks, but her mouth is full of the wrapped candy. She rang the doorbell three more times before she left the doorway.

2. I tell a large group of boys to take a couple (we see how that worked before) and one quite young boy says "I'll just take them all!" and he tried, until I said "No, see all these other people here?" He only took 5.

1. A boy about 4 years old in a Batman costume saunters up to the bowl, never says Trick or Treat, when he reaches the candy he begins a serious rummage. He looked over every piece of candy and when he didn't find what he wanted he looked up into my Mom's face and said in a voice as if he couldn't believe he had to even ask the question himself "Where's the Gum?" My Mom just said, "Sorry, I don't have any gum." He condescended for a Tootsie Pop.

I NEVER get tired of Halloween. The best costume this year was a two year old that a Mom had dressed up as a pile of leaves, which she was chewing on of course. I love the excitement, I love the shift; the freedom people feel to dress up and be silly. A shame we need excuses to be silly. Every year it is another chance, to smile so hard my face hurts.

Monday, October 29, 2012

High Tide of Gratitude

My bunnies do not like the nail-gun. I got onto the floor and tried to console Pickle, and he let me. Mostly. After a while, Pickle forgot about the noise and decided that he was going to check out what this fella was doing in HIS bathroom, and for most of the day to boot! But no, I ruin it. I don't let him cuz this guy is HUGE (we are talking Todd tall and football player stout) which makes his feet huge and if Pickle goes one way and he goes the wrong way that would mean a flat crunched Pickle. I'll be mean rather than have an injured bunny.

Right towards the end of my worker-man's stay today, Peanut wanted out of the bedroom (where he had been most of the day) so Pickle goes in his cage and worker-man gets his first good glimpse of Peanut. Peanut bounces down the hallway, does a little binky right past the jolly-drywall giant, and when Peanut stops, worker man nearly melts from the cute. He makes what could only be described as an estrogen laced moan, and asks to take a picture of "this creature" to send to his daughter. I can't stop smiling, explaining how he's a Lionhead, and the boss of the world... yada yada yada. I cradle Peanut so he can get a good close up of the Royal face, and he is just beaming as he emails the pic, and the description of my Mythical Mysterious Muppethead.

Construction on my apartment is going to last all week, according to the drywall/plaster/mudding/painter guy. As I type they are also still working on the main water line and I haven't had any water all day. I stored a bucket for use in the toilet and as I bail water INTO the toilet, I think about all the people on the East Coast trying their best to avoid water from Hurricane Sandy. The Weather Channel just alerted that Con-Ed has started turning off the power for parts of Manhattan and here I am using my computer, my television and phone. I just went through not having a fridge for a day or so, but there are now over 3 million people without power.

You can prepare for natural disasters, and they may never happen. Health disasters happen everyday as well. I wake up everyday grateful for my running water, electricity, heating, air conditioning, refrigeration, cable and telephone services. I wake up everyday grateful that I woke.

Sunday, October 28, 2012


So, my neighbors are moving out and I went outside to say goodbye with Peanut in my arms cuz they have always been fascinated with him. He was purring cuz he was so happy to be in my arms but when the little kids came up closer to see him he went all "DON'T let these little buggers touch me! I'm just saying Lady! Kids Ewww Ewww! Back Away, Back Away!" The littlest girl Amelia (so in love with that name by the way) made the funniest face as her older cousin held her near. She kept on getting told it was a bunny, but I don't think she believed anyone. Katrina's younger brother couldn't believe anything would be named Peanut and did a really good job at respecting my saying that Peanut was frightened of kids and to not touch.

I have to say I don't want these neighbors to leave. They really aren't that great of neighbors; they are loud, messy, young, stupid and sometimes pretty inconsiderate. What scares the shit out of me is what could replace them. The devil you know, you know.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

One Girl Crowing

The crows have returned. Around my apartment complex is the most glorious murder of crows, and they are back. They went away for what seemed like an eternity, which was the time of surgery, chemo, radiation and another surgery. I truly thought I might never see them again. But last evening the entire sky above my apartment was specked with flitting and darting arrows of black, with their caws so loud they drowned out the rest of the world. I just stood there, looking up into the grey clouded sky, with the wind blowing leaves onto me and the crows flying over me. Back and forth, back and forth they flew landing from the highest tree branch, the field just north of me or crisscrossing in the air. It was an Audubon Aeronautics show with more than 100 crows as the main attraction, and I had a front row seat.

I feel calmer when they are here. I somehow feel they are meant to be near me; they like to chatter and are up to no good and for some reason I feel akin to those behaviors. When they start their naughty in the early morning and it is the first thing I hear, I smile. I really like smiling as the first action of the day. I can just blink my eyes, curl up in bed, look at the bleak light peak through my curtains and with a few mighty caws I know my world is right. The crows have returned.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Thawed Out

Okay, day four of Americas Next Top Remodel and the kicker is my Fridge is dying. Again. If any of you listeners out there remember one Christmas Eve, not so long ago, my refrigerator went kaput on me and as I went over to check it I opened the freezer door and out poured bright red berry juice, all over the floor, my feet and down the refrigerator door. It looked like I had murdered someone, stashed the evidence in the freezer and out came proof of my crime all over my kitchen and I had to just stand there, and giggle.

This time; I have my entire apartment torn apart, men traipsing in and out all day long, no shower, holes in the ceiling that won't be repaired for about another two weeks, flooring that was supposed to be done today but couldn't( you know the whole they didn't tell me it was as bad as it is and I don't have the stuff I need here excuse) a toilet that needs to be replaced but can't be replaced until the flooring is done, exposed pipes to be boxed in, painting, spackle, patching and tons of thawing food. I will be getting a new fridge tomorrow (so they say.) The floor guy said he is coming back to do the flooring but he has to bring underflooring because if he just went ahead and did it, the floor would crumble away and turn to dust. I vote nay. The plumbers said they MIGHT be back to do the toilet if their boss lets them, if not the old toilet goes back on the new floor so I don't have to hold it till next week.

On the bunny front, Pickle thinks all of this is a great big new game: Who Moved the Apartment? or PEOPLE! PEOPLE! I GO WITH YOU! Peanut, well he just thinks if I am talking to these invaders it takes away from HIS time. He started chewing on the baby/bunny gate when the plumbers showed up and I was talking to them. I dared to dream I had time to let my boys out and after only five minutes the plumbers showed up. Pickle was in the hallway playing keep-away from the really nice young guy, running around him like it was part of the steeplechase and when the young man passed my bedroom he looked in, did a double-take then stammered "Your other bunny is on your bed." I say to him in a not so hidden "duh" tone "yeah." He walks down the hall, very slowly. Peanut with the knock out punch.

So, if I don't get a new fridge by tomorrow I have a lot of eating to do OR I have a lot of food to take to my Mom's house. I certainly don't have to worry about Todd or my Dad eating it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I Gotta Mess

So, today is the second day in the quest of The Bathroom Remodel: Survivor Edition. And if we are keeping score, Pickle has proved to be the funniest and most amusing of the bunnies. Day one, after taking everything out of the bathroom, the hallway and off of the hallway walls I moved the bunny boys into my bedroom into their travel carriers with the door closed while three young men ripped out what was my tub and shower surround, cut out the drywall behind the toilet, hung exposed pipe that goes from my water heater/furnace closet over to the shower and cut a square hole above my kitchen sink cupboard where they threaded the pipe to start.

Pickle during all of this has been the most curious, of course REALLY not liking the noise, but his ears have been so telling I have just watched him and laughed. When the drywall guy came today, I kept them out in their cages knowing the mess and noise would be no where near yesterday. (I mopped 6 times last night. Seriously. The drywall guy, said I would only have to mop 5 times after he left today. Just twice. ha) Pickle's ears were so entertaining, so informative. When the drill would start, the ear closest to the bathroom would sproing right up, telling me "hey, Mom, check out that noise will ya?" Then, I would go over and give him praise and pets, tell him how sweet and handsome he is, he would calm down and then the footsteps on the stairs would creep closer and the eyes say "WHAT NOW?" Never freaked out, never panicked, just so curious, so observant and fun. Peanut meanwhile, had the sternest mad on. "Why are these assholes in my house? When are they leaving? When will my worship commence?" I go over, give him his due praise, and when it stops, he jerks out of it, alarmed. "Why would anyone stop petting me? Stupid."

They are out now, Peanut in the bedroom, Pickle in the living room lying up against Peanut's cage. Pickle has already tried to press his way into the bathroom and there is no way he can be in there. With exposed pipes, loose drywall bits behind the toilet (his fave hiding place) and exposed base flooring, the dangers are just too great. I am so diligent when in comes to the floor. I am one of those "take your shoes off when you come to my house" people. If there is anything on the floor, my boys should be able to chew on it. They put it there, or I put it there for them.

The other most amusing thing that happened during demolition was when they brought in my tub, the lead worker guy started singing "I gotta Tub, I gotta Tub, I gotta Tub, hey hey hey hey...." in the same melody as "Little Rascals" and my heart was so full. I might just sing that during my first shower.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Second Thought

A year ago yesterday was my diagnosis of stage 1b2 Adenocarcenoma Cervical Cancer. A year ago today, the very first thought in my head as I woke up in the morning was "I have cancer." That wasn't the first thought I had this morning, as I rolled over on my hip that was dislocated during my last surgery as a result to fix all the fall out from having cancer in my body, and the pain woke me up, the first thought I had was "ouch." I don't have the cancer, but I still have a lot of physical and emotional pain to deal with. The "Now What" stage of it all is such a strange and ambiguous arena. My brother took me and my parents all out to all you eat sushi (mine was veggie) for the anniversary and knowing that not so long ago I couldn't even eat a bowl of soup, for me, was quite staggering. I wore one of the hats that my wonderful aunt Ruthie's knitting group had made for me in preparation for my head to be bald from the chemo, in recognition of making it this far, and with hair. I tried to wear it with silent pride, yet something was off with me all day.

I went home, took my new medrol dose pack for my TMJ, cleaned bunny cages, watched Horrible Bosses and then settled down to dare to watch a movie I hadn't been ready to watch for over a year. 50/50. If you don't know about it, Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a young man that gets cancer and has 50/50 odds of surviving. I only have two complaints; at one point he sees a gurney in the hallway of the hospital with a body-bag on it and unless you got really REALLY lost in the bowels of the hospital, you are not going to see that and the other is one night after chemo he is sitting on the steps just waiting for his ride... you are so sick after chemo, sitting on a curb at night could secure you a hospital room. Other than that, I saw my own story, I saw Stephie's and ultimately near the end I ended up in the fetal position in a cackling sob. My eyes are still red.

My Mother had a dream while she and my Dad were away on their hunting/camping trip. In the dream she was mad at me for some unknown reason but Stephie stepped in and was defending me. I told her I had been silently, secretly questioning to myself if Dad was regretful that I was living and Stephie wasn't. She warned me it wasn't healthy to go there, but I know that these are survivor's thoughts and I shouldn't be afraid of them. My Mom just loves me, and is so happy for my life, she doesn't want me to suffer needlessly, even under my own thoughts.

This year has been so busy, so full. So full of appointments, car trips, surgeries, meeting new people, missing people, getting to know people better, getting to know myself better and trying to find the perfect hand hold on life. I haven't found it yet. But the amazing thing is to know I have more time to keep trying for it.

The Bun

The Bun
If you don't like rabbits, you can suck it, shove it and then go soak your head.