Just Right

 Me whining to my Mom about my weight and I say the dreaded word Fat.

Mom - You're not fat.

Me - I'm not thin.

Mom - You're just right.

Me - So I'm porridge.

Mom - (laughing) No. 

Me - I'm Baby Bear.

Mom - (laughs more) NO! (then sweetly and profoundly says the thing she thinks will solve all the things) You're Goldilocks. 

Me - I'm an entitled white girl that breaks into people's homes and takes other people's stuff and eats their food.

We both laugh. Hard.

Finally...

Mom - You like things how you like them.

Mom - And you're not fat.

This is why we have Moms.