On Being a Shithead

Talking to my Mom, of course. Talking about life, expectations, how I mostly have only had my brain my whole life. She mentions that I'm clever and I say that I know how much more clever I could be. Her response had us laugh crying for fifteen minutes.

Mom - Well, you're not MENSA Shart.

Me - Wait, did you just say shart?

Mom - I don't know. Did I?

Me - You said shart. That could not have been more perfect.

We're both crying. 

Me - I need this on a shirt.

She's still crying.

Me - We could start our own club: The Sharts. (I start singing the melody to the Jet Song from West Side Story)

This is peak Mom conversation. 

First Fiction

My very first date with Preston was at the theatre to see "Pulp Fiction." He had been lobbying for this date in major ways. He made a sign that read "Will Work for Heidi" and stood on my road waiting for me to pass him on my way to work. 

I stayed home sick and never saw him.

Then he called and we arranged the date. I picked the movie. Because, of course.

Then, we're there. And THAT scene starts. He leans over and quietly asks "do you want to leave?" He's soooooo uncomfortable. Because, of course. I tell him "Oh no. I want to see this."

It's still going. He asks again. I pat his arm. "I'm fine." He's not fine.

The movie ends. I loved it. He's a wreck. Thinks he broke any chance with me.

He never had a chance. I was still in love with someone else. Because, of course.

https://letterboxd.com/journal/crushed-worst-movie-dates-valentines-day/

Wishing Star

 My New Year Wish is for everyone to get their wishes for the New Year. 

No matter how improbable, huge, selfish, tiny, redundant, crazy, lazy, or silly. I want everyone to find their bliss. 

Now, if your bliss is to be a whacko hurting humans and animals, I have nothing to do with that, and we're most likely not friends. So, no. No wishes for you. **not so fine print**

Somehow in this life, I have always maintained hope. Even when pain seems unending and it's just one more thing after one more thing, I never lose hope.

I have hope for us. Yes, all of us.

Driving Rain

 I was watching Hurricane coverage on The Weather Channel and while the broadcaster was outside on a street in Georgia slicked with rain, commenting how most of the town was shut down, a UPS truck passed behind her. 

I laughed at first, imagining frivolous Amazon purchases or other online orders hurriedly being delivered inside a hurricane. Then I smartened up and remembered that people get their meds delivered and other healthcare devices. These are important and possibly life saving, specially for elderly people and the disabled that will be affected with major power outages and road closures. 

These drivers deserve every bit of the raise they negotiated. Plus hazard pay.

Get the Lead Out

 Most mornings I've been writing in my dream journal about all the dreams I had during the night and morning. I use my favorite mechanical pencil. I've had that thing for decades.  Well, I started to run out of lead. I searched and searched my apartment for the replacement lead (which I was positive was here somewhere) and could never find it. So, I ordered more. 

Today I'm putting the new lead into my most favorite mechanical pencil and decide to put the new lead somewhere that makes sense, where I won't forget it: at the bottom of the ceramic jug holding all my pens. 

When I dump out all the pens what do I find? All the replacement lead.

I have enough lead to last until the apocalypse.

Tongue Tied

 Dream if you will, a picture - of my Mom and I at a stoplight. Suddenly she notices a man to the left of us in the back seat of an old model Four Runner having a VERY animated conversation with the driver. With every word he is waving his bright Orange Polka Dot tie and using it as either emphasis or as the reason for each syllable.

Naturally we're intrigued, and a little bewildered. 

Then I start the voiceover for Tie Guy -

TG - Do you see this? This stain? This happened because you stopped so short. F$&K you Geoff! 

Mom laughs.

TG- I inherited this from my Great Grandfather and now it has frappuccino all over it because you can't drive for shit Geoffrey.

More Mom laughter.

TG- IT'S SILK!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT IT'S SILK!! 

You owe me a tie you idiot.

The vehicle turns with Tie Guy still waving his tie and berating the driver.

Mom and I are both cackling.